I told my toddler ‘no,’ and she looked me dead in the eyes while pouring her juice on the floor like a tiny mafia boss making a point. That’s when I knew I needed to learn how to deal with a stubborn child immediately!
Kids go through different developmental stages. It’s their first time understanding the world. So, if your strong-willed kid is throwing tantrums or getting upset at tiny things, have patience!
I’ve a rebellious kid, so I know it is challenging for parents to handle a fiercely independent child who hates being instructed.
Let me share what I do to navigate this situation!
How to Discipline a Stubborn Child Without Losing Patience?
Being a loving mother of a son, it must be painful for you to see him making questionable decisions.
Follow these tips to discipline your toddler with love.
1. Care. Don’t Control
Care vs control means you say, “Want to pick a book before lights out?” instead of “Go to bed. Now.” when you want them to follow the bedtime routine.
They are your kids. You have the responsibility to guide them, but imposing your decisions on them can be detrimental. As per UNICEF, shouting and yelling are short-term hacks to control kids. It destroys their mental well-being in the long term.
Teach values and right from wrong, and then let them choose. What feels like stubbornness now can grow into perseverance later. Don’t crush it!
2. Explain Your Reasoning. Don’t Say “Because I Told You So.”
Kids are smarter than you think! Once they get the context for your instructions, they follow them.
For example, instead of yelling at them to clean up their toy cars, say, “We clean up so we don’t trip on toys.” Connecting the action to safety concerns will help them understand its importance.
3. Stay Calm and Composed. Don’t Take It Personally
You can not ask the stubborn baby to control his emotions when you are screaming yourself. Becoming a better parent does not mean being a dictator for your kids.
Don’t shout if they don’t listen — it’s their way of expressing independence, not an attack on you. Matching their intensity only turns it into a power struggle, not a solution.
“We are gods in our children’s eyes, and our feelings always set the tone. With this understanding, it’s easy to see why struggles with discipline can become a discouragingly vicious cycle.”
― Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
4. Evolve Your Approach. Don’t Stay Stuck
A tactic that works for a toddler may fail with a strong-willed teenager seeking autonomy. For example, enforcing a strict bedtime with a 13-month-old might require routine, but a teenager benefits from collaborative planning.
Handling Gen-Z and Gen-Alpha is different. These kids won’t listen to your outrage. However, acknowledging their maturing perspective will be more helpful.
5. Use Advanced Communication. Don’t Lecture or Nag
Parenting a strong-willed child becomes easy when you consider them as an individual.
Instead of “Stop leaving your shoes everywhere!” try, “I’ve noticed shoes get tripped on in the hallway.
Where do you think we could keep them so everyone stays safe?”
Through this approach, you are inviting them to solve the problem with you. It will build their self-esteem and confidence in the long term.
Handling Extreme or Public Defiance of Stubborn Kids
Even after trying all the methods, kids don’t cooperate with you. There are some scenarios where you will find all methods failing.
Here is what you can do when they throw tantrums in public and embarrass you.
- Identify the triggers and stay away from them. Bring small toys, snacks, or a “calm-down kit” (e.g., fidget toys, stickers) to redirect attention before defiance escalates.
- Take a deep breath and lower your voice. Your calmness models self-control.
- Take the child to a quieter area (e.g., a restroom, empty aisle, or park bench) to reduce overstimulation.
- Once calm, discuss the incident at home: “What happened at the store? How could we handle it better next time?”
FAQs About Dealing With a Stubborn Child
Offering clear, consistent choices to kids, setting firm but respectful boundaries, and reinforcing compliance with positive acknowledgment are some of the practical steps to handle a strong-willed toddler.
Try these techniques to talk to your child about inappropriate behaviour comfortably:
1. Address the behavior calmly
2. Explaining its impact and consequences
3. Emphasize empathy
4. Use specific examples and encourage reflection to guide better decision-making
Encourage gradual shifts by modeling patience, setting realistic expectations, and acknowledging cooperation. Strengthen communication to avoid power struggles and build trust through connection rather than control.