You asked your toddler to do something, and a few minutes later, you find yourself just about to yell because she isn’t responding. Is that you? If yes, it’s not only you, it’s me too, infact most of the parents out there. This question I receive very often; How to get toddlers to listen?
What is the reason behind their defiance? Are all toddlers wired so or have I got a strong-willed child? Is my parenting lacking something or giving too much to get her spoiled? Well, I truly understand this self doubt.
First things first, toddlers not listening to their parents is quite a normal thing. It’s not defiance, disobedience, or spoilage, but a usual behaviour during cognitive development. It doesn’t mean that you leave the situation unaddressed. Figuring out the reason and taking practical steps can get you rid of this repeat-remind cycle. Let’s do it.
Why don’t toddlers listen?
Let me clear one thing, it’s not necessarily that the child doesn’t listen, it could be that they don’t remember. Studies have shown that the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed in toddlers. This part of the brain is associated with attention and impulse control. So, cognitive changes during development are an important factor behind this unresponsiveness.
If you are sure that you repeated it enough times to get it memorized, but the response is still none. It may be something else; their need for independence or power exertion (just like us). As they can’t do it due to their limited choices, the one way they find is to ignore you. Besides, some other reasons affecting your toddler’s listening skills may be;
- A hyper-focus on what they’re doing right now
- Not wanting to shift from a preferred to a less preferred task
- Additional needs (like ADHD or ASD)
- Being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed
- The quality of your connection with them
- They see you as an authority figure
- It’s just enough ( too many commands to follow)
Now that you know toddlers’ unresponsiveness is not a problem rather a manifestation of an underlying issue, you must address it from the very roots.
How to get toddlers to listen?
How to make a 2-year-old listen? Before seeking advice on how to get toddlers to listen, make sure you have ruled out all medical conditions with behavioural issues, i.e, ADHD or ASD. Here are some simple but effective ways to get them all ears.
1. Don’t yell/beat them
Repeat after me; “Yelling isn’t a solution, screaming doesn’t serve anything good, in fact, it makes the situation even worse.” Being a parent myself, i can understand how infuriating it is to be unheard, ignored or defied particularly if you have a caring and respectful relationship with your child.
The only option you are left with is to shout out loud. But believe me, no matter how struggling it might be for you to be patient at that time, calmness is the key. Yelling or beating would only destroy your connection.
2. Talk at their level
You called upon your child to turn off the cartoons while doing laundry up above. Fifteen minutes later, you still find her in front of the screen. This isn’t beyond expectation. Proximity and eye contact are the keys when it comes to talking to a child.
Next time you give a command, walk into their place first, sit next to them, place a gentle touch on the hand or shoulder, say their name, and make sure they look towards you with silence before proceeding.
Moreover, it’s also important to keep your tone polite. Dealing with baby boys needs some extra patience as they give a hard time. You get more attention with excitement and positivity than with anger and frustration brimming in your voice.
3. Transitional warnings
Your toddler is playing, and all of a sudden, you announce it’s dinner time, and you want them on the table immediately. That isn’t how things work. One suggestion that I received from the majority of successful mothers was making an early warning while transitioning from a preferred task to a less preferred one.
For example, you can ask them, “We will wrap up in ten minutes because it’s dinner time”. This makes the transitions easy for them and lets them anticipate what is coming ahead.
4. Short and clear instructions
Straightforwardness and simplicity is the primary thing to get toddlers to listen. Due to their short attention span, they zone out if conversation gets too long and are likely to miss the actual point. So, just be concise and clear in your commands.
While advising you on how to make toddlers listen, I would suggest avoiding putting your instructions in question form if they don’t have any choice. Instead of asking “Can you place your shoesthe in shoe rack?”, say ” Place your shoes in shoe rack.”
Moreover, follow through whatever you say. After giving instruction there is no need to rush to the rack. Wait and let them do it. If they don’t, remind them and reinforce your message with pointing towards shoes.
5. Offer a choice where you can
Independence is the basic need of every living being. Controlling your child too much not only makes them stubborn but also kills their creativity. This is where modern parenting differs from traditional one. You shouldn’t be too authoritative. Neither does it suggest being extra lenient. It stresses upon moderate control over children.
I am not saying you to let them make gross choices. Obviously they aren’t mature enough to take decisions, and we, being parents, understand their needs better. I can’t let my child decide whether to wear clothes or not, but yes, I can let her choose a pink sweater.
6. Replace don’t with do
Don’t go upstairs? Don’t spill the yoghurt on the floor? Don’t write on walls? This is what our instructions look like, right? Instead of instructing what not to do, it is better to tell them what to do exactly. Whenever you mention don’t do this, children have to double process what exactly to do instead. I know, sometimes the don’t part can’t be skipped, but replace it where you can.
So, instead of telling them, “don’t write on walls,” instruct them, “where to write?” Positive commands are a great idea when it comes to how to improveove listening skills in toddlers.
7. Be generous with praises
“Thank you for collecting your toys in the bin”.What does it cost me? Nothing. Saying positive adjectives not only made me a better mother but also helped my daughter to be a good one. Advance thank you symbolises that we trust them to do the right thing.
Be careful that you don’t add any discouraging statements in your remarks like “I wish you would do that every time”. Kind compliments is the most beautiful thing you can do to these little creatures.
8. Say ‘yes’ Frequently
Have you ever thought how your routine no’s impact your child’s behaviour? Can I have ice cream, Mom? No. May I play outside? No. This is how we turn down their requests, right? Then we complain about how to get toddlers to listen. This is bitter to swallow, but your consistent denial or ignorance may be the reason behind your child’s incoperation.
Instead, you can say, “Yes, mom will bring you icecream on the visit to market”. It doesn’t mean that you can’t say “no” ever. Say a firm but polite no whenever needed but don’t forget to make frequent deliveries of yes.
Final thoughts
Parenting is all about facing different challenges every day and seeking appropriate solutions. In response to the question, “How to get my kid to listen?” you will receive a lot of advice from everywhere. I suggest to deal your toddler gently and the next door neighbour says to beat the shit out of them, otherwise they are gonna spoiled. Whom to listen to? Being a parent, I admit this makes you overwhelmed and helpless at the same time.
But one thing holds its place: be calm. Don’t lose your patience. Imagine yourself being a child. Plenty of challenges this little creature has got, too. What seems incorporeal or disobedience to you may be their need to be seen or heard. But one thing holds its place, be calm. Don’t lose your patience. Imagine yourself being a child. Plenty of challenges this little creature has got, too. What seems inappropriate or disobedience to you may be their need to be seen or heard.